Honestly, I am that crazy girlfriend. I know I am. I should change, but I probably won’t. I just need to find a guy who can deal with my crazy self. In total, I have had two real relationships. One was from high school and lasted about 4 years. The other was recently and almost made it to a year. In both of them, I was a caring, sweet girlfriend who wanted to please him in any possible way and called them both about 200 times in a row because they didn’t answer their phones quick enough. But I was like really caring, okay.
So, yeah… that makes me sound psycho, but it wasn’t my fault entirely, they just weren’t giving me what I deserved…not need but deserved. I think I need a guy to talk to me 24/7, but I deserve a guy who talks to me in a meaningful way. Now I will say I am probably not the best at giving dating advice, but here I am giving it. I learned a lot about dating, from watching my sister and friends. Also from being in relationships myself, even the non-serious ones. (You know the type where you’re talking to this guy, you both like each other, but for some reason, you don’t get together, but y’all still talk). So here are my top 10 dating advice.
Let’s get real dating advice
1. Just cause he is nice doesn’t mean he’s not a jerk, and just cause he’s an ass doesn’t mean he isn’t nice.
I meet tons of guys who seemed so sweet and perfect when you get to know them, then you find out they are the biggest dick you have ever meet. Then some guys look like jerks right away, but it turns out they are actually really nice if you get them alone for 5 minutes. Basically, I am saying don’t judge a book based on the first few pages. Guys are dumb and don’t act themselves the first few times they meet a pretty girl, so just talk to him. The love of your life could be that jerk shotgunning that beer, and your biggest regret could be the nice guy at the party.
2. It does matter even if you are happy.
I hate hearing, “AS LONG AS YOU ARE HAPPY.” No, Jenny, it doesn’t matter that Jessie is happy with her boyfriend, who emotionally abused her on a daily. During my first relationship, I was so pleased with him, but he also cheated on me and emotionally abused me near the end. But I was “happy” so I stayed with him. A guy can make you happy as much as he wants, but he does one thing that is a deal-breaker for you, then leave. You can easily convince yourself that you are happy only because you don’t want to be alone or some other B.S reason. You can find someone or something else to make you happy.
3. Value the love from your family more than his
Family > A boy. Honestly still learning this one. My views on love are that romantic love is more important than family love. I know I know that might not be good for me in the long run, but that’s kinda how I am. Currently, I am trying to learn how to love in different ways again. i.e., friendship, love, family love, self-love. But yeah, value the love you get from family more than you get from a partner cause honestly, a partner isn’t for sure, but your family has no choice but to love you.
4. Know what you want is different from what you deserve/need
I want a guy who will make me his life, and I make him my life, where I am the best girl I can be for him. I deserve a guy who cares for me and wants me to be the best person I can be for myself. I want a guy to take care of me for the rest of my life, where I am dependent on him. I need a guy who believes that I can be independent and that we should take care of each other. What you want is not the same as what you deserve or need. I don’t know how to exactly explain this other than how it sounds.
5. Know when to stay and when to leave
I honestly stayed with my first boyfriend way longer than I should have. I didn’t know when to go. It was my first real relationship, so everything was new to me. I didn’t know how much I should and shouldn’t deal with. Now I know when to walk out the door. Also, knowing when to just stay. Sometimes that “major fight that makes you want to just dump them” isn’t really one, it’s just a fight that got too heated. Take time to cool off and think. Staying together after an argument can be useful. It makes you grow together, ideally.
6. you’re not crazy they make you crazy, and it’s okay
If I had a nickel for every time someone called me crazy, I would be rich AF. And if I had one for every time, I call myself that, well it would be enough to pay off the National Debt I bet. I got this advice from a friend of mine, and honestly, she’s right. The people we love make us do crazy things. It’s okay to be mad sometimes, keeps him on his toes (JK not really). He can be a little crazy at times too. The big take away is to talk about what made you mad after you’re done being mad. You need to know why, and he does too. This is just a fundamental relationship 101.
7. Real communication is different from “Well, he texts/snaps me every day.”
I can text/snap someone every day but doesn’t mean we are close or even talking about anything of value. Real communication is talking about your problems, the future, dreams, issues, making each other think. Also, making bad jokes at each other but in person followed by an “I love you.” Real communication is what people in a mature relationship do. They let each other know about important things going on in their life. Don’t just snap all day, actually talk to one another in person.
8. YOU CAN FALL IN LOVE MORE THAN ONCE AND WITH THE SAME PERSON AGAIN
They say the average person falls in love 4-6 times in their lifetime. If that’s true, I am just getting started. It’s okay to fall in love a lot, you should know honestly. You can also fall in love with the same person again. You meet, date, fall in love, break up, and years later can fall back in love with each other. Love is tricky, but it doesn’t mean you have to be afraid to fall in love. It’s a risk, but one you should take for sure.
9. IT’S OKAY IF YOU WANT SOMEONE EVEN WHEN PEOPLE SAY YOU “DON’T NEED ANYBODY”
I honestly like being in relationships and feel my best when with someone. Yes, I know everyone says you should feel best when you are alone, but for me, I think the best me with someone. I am ready for a relationship. When I am single, I feel like I am more callous and cynical. Everyone says, “you don’t need no man!” yeah, sure, I know I don’t need a man, but I feel best when I have one to love. I am all for self-love, but I understand that its human nature to want someone to love. I don’t need a guy to love me, but I like it when one does, you know.
10. YOU CAN’T CHANGE HIM BETCH!
I can. JK. SO this is a big thing! I can’t stand when girls say, “Oh, I love him just wish he would change this fundamental thing about himself, but I am sure he will if I tell him enough.” No, Jessica, he will not change. There is a 30% chance he will, but at this point, he is who he is. (Can’t teach an old dog, new tricks.) You can only make him add a new habit or kick an old one, but he won’t change his personality. Just like you can’t change yours.
There you go, my 10 tips on dating. Take them or leave them. But I hope you enjoy them, at least!